Ding Ding, The Sleep Wars Shall Commence!

I have a child that hates to sleep.

She's been this way since birth, but had me tricked for a while with easy bedtimes and nap times. I was stoked that, after so much struggle, she had finally chosen to be easier to get to sleep.

Really, she just did that so that when she stopped being so easy about it not long after, it would make the stalling and arguments all the worse. I swear, you would think that I never feed her by how "starving" she is come bedtime and that she has the bladder of an ant by her pleas for another potty break. I know that this is a tale as old as time for parents and kids, but I really just want Mr. Sandman to hook me up with the sleepy sprinkles so she could actually get to sleep sometime before Jimmy Fallon comes on. She seriously will just talk and sing to herself for hours on end and wake up like a beast out of "Where The Wild Things Are". 

Nap time is no better. She has told me countless times that she's just not tired but she'd be content to just play iPad while I take a nap. Does she really think that I would want my 3 year old to have the run of the house while I snooze away some of my exhaustion? That thought sends chills down my spine. Since the addition of preschool to my already insanely paced life, I have needed that nap more than a wino needs a bottle in a paper bag. And thus, a battle of the wills ensues that usually ends with me taking away said iPad for the rest of the day while she throws herself on the floor, sobbing. Which leaves us both exhausted and at odds. Surely there has to be a better way...

I remember when she was a baby and it took hours to get her to sleep. She rarely napped, and the seemingly 24/7 colic was wearing us both down, fully on the path to Crazytown with a fully packed bag. The pediatrician told me over and over again that it was just a phase and she would eventually stop the bedtime battles. This may be the longest phase in the history of the world. 

Maybe I just need to break out a copy of "Go The F*ck To Sleep" to remind me that I'm not the only one. Heck, even better, I'll pull up the YouTube video of Samuel L. Jackson reading it. That will always make me feel better.